oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
