the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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