so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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