I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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