First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
