roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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