I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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