Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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