If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
