Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
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Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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