if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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