It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
