I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
