Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
