FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
