and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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