No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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