sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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