I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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