Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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