How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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