he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
