Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
