Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
