omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."