I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
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Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.