I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
