I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches