i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
