ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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