my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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