i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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