What did we do last night that was yellow?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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