youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
