Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
