I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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