You're completely useless in the revolution.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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