she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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