Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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