u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
