did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize