I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They have beer where we have blood.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
