remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
