You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
