He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
