those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
