Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
