I feel like abortions should bother me more
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
