We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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