i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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