Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
