He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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