I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
