At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
