I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
