it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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