proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is Oprah even human
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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