tell your sister to shave her snatch
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
