Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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