how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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