Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
