And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
