if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
