My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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