Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
