You made me cry and you don't even care
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
