i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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