You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
