Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
